Saturday, October 08, 2016

Medieval Times Ahead in the White House

Christopher Jon Bjerknes

The opportunities afforded for humor in the current presidential election are too tempting to resist. Indulge me as I make a few sarcastic predictions.

Donald Trump, should he win, will issue an executive order granting himself the right of first night to bed women before their first marriage. The Secret Service will issue sharply pronged chastity belts to all women who will come into contact with Trump. Trump will award a posthumous "Kissyface" medal of honor to Richard Dawson and insist that old James Bond movies featuring Sean Connery as 007 forcing women into a kiss are shown in the background of his press conferences--think "P**sygalore".

Should Clinton win, and Republicans gain control of the Congress, they will impeach Hillary Clinton for witchcraft and unnatural acts. As evidence, Congress will produce her spells for turning Americans into Mexicans and Muslims, and her Hebrew incantations for erasing our national borders and dissolving our sovereignty and rights of self determination.

All joking aside, no matter who wins, giddy court jews will steal our wealth and drive us into wars. The wealth disparity and growth of the feudal system will increase. And above all, America will lead crusades in the Middle East for the benefit of Israel.